Living the Miracles

I will be attending an LDS Widow/Widower conference in Salt Lake later this week. (Seems like there are a lot of those, right? For some reason they are all front-loaded in the calendar this year. Fun for me now, though!) In preparation for the conference a request was made for people to record videos, to talk in three minutes or less about some of the miracles we have experienced since being widowed. I mean, of course I was going to participate (I do like being involved!), so I got to think back over these past two years as I was deciding what to say.

In doing so it struck me how often the Lord has helped to “strengthen my back” during that time, just as He promised to do for the people of Alma in Mosiah 24. Time and time again, I’ve been given the capacity to make it through some pretty daunting challenges. Then there is the miracle of a recovering perfectionist learning how to not only turn control over to Heavenly Father, but to ultimately trust in His plan for me and my family. But more than anything, I find it truly miraculous that I am once again in a place of feeling such pervasive peace and joy. I’m not only doing OK, I’m doing really, really well. While I believed that I could once again get to this point, it did feel difficult to imagine after losing Mom. So to be able to say that now feels like such a blessing.

I’m grateful that it usually doesn’t feel difficult to find my smile, or to reground myself back to reality if my brain tries to feed me things that are not completely true. I’m grateful that this year the time leading up to our death anniversary coming up in a few weeks has not felt nearly as overwhelming or difficult as it did last year (sad, but not traumatizing in the same way). I’m so grateful for friends and the new experiences I am having (yes, I have started dating again, but I’m not dating any one specific person – if you know anyone great to send my way, however….hehe, but only partly kidding!). I’m grateful for the privilege of being a mother and for my resilient children who teach me so much each day. I’m grateful for my job and the financial security, and flexibility, it has provided. I’m grateful for laughter. I’m grateful for working fingers and toes (this one’s not always a given for me, ouch – so ready for spring!). I’m grateful for the knowledge of who I truly am, that my life circumstances or mistakes don’t ever change that. I’m grateful for opportunities to learn. And I’m grateful that I get to take this wild ride through a life I love.