I have an app on my phone that gives me a daily Bible verse, along with some thoughtful commentary and questions. It’s a great way to start off my day. The verse today was Matthew 14:14, which says, “And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick.”
What makes this verse stand out to me is the context that Jesus was very much grieving here. He had just learned that John the Baptist had been killed, and in a horribly gruesome manner. I imagine that Jesus felt that loss keenly not only because John was family, but he was also the only person who may have had some inkling of what it was like to bear such an important, and certainly at times heavy, mission from the Father. Jesus had made efforts to get away, to be by himself, as he took a ship and went to a desert place. Likely he hadn’t had a quiet moment to himself for quite a while, possibly not since his ministry had begun. And then even here, with his personal loss so fresh, the people still found him and desired things of him.
Yet instead of isolating or pushing people away, Jesus reached outward and served them. He ministered to others through his hurt. What a great example of how important that can be. I also love the next part of the story, though, that Jesus still recognized that for his own self care, after a day of teaching and healing the people, after that miracle of the loaves and fishes, he still needed space to process and grieve. Jesus sent his disciples on ahead in the ship, “And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone.” (Matthew 14:23)
This account from the scriptures demonstrates that there is a place for both. I understand all too well that urge to want to pull away from people when you’re hurting, or grieving, or when I have felt depressed. I’ve mentioned before that it is a clear indication for me that I’m not doing great, as it contrasts sharply with my natural, almost insatiable desire to be around and connect with people (social zombie, remember? haha). I do acknowledge that there is a time and a space for solitude, and regrouping, and resting. But there is also something to be said for intentionally looking outside of myself and trying to serve others, even amidst my pain.
This might sound silly, but openly sharing and writing my story has been a small way I feel like I have been able to minister to people I wouldn’t have interacted with otherwise. My experiences have facilitated my being able to reach and help others dealing with loss or pain. I don’t take it lightly, realizing that Heavenly Father has blessed me with specific talents, given me the life experiences He has, that have allowed me to connect in meaningful ways with some truly remarkable people. In a way I’m even honored that He has given me the opportunity to “pave the way” so to speak for family members and friends who have not yet experienced this kind of loss (because even if we haven’t yet, we all will at some point encounter the death of someone very close to us).
So time to sit with and feel and process emotion? Important. Purposefully isolating myself from others, or hiding away? Not good. I’ve been thinking all day of how I can be better at serving those around me. How do you reach out beyond yourself even when you may be hurting?
