This IS Plan A

Have you ever had a week where you feel like you’ve lived an entire lifetime because so much has happened and changed and just…everything? That’s how I feel after this week. So many new experiences and feelings and realizations, it’s well, wow.

How was that for cryptic? Amongst other things I had the opportunity to attend the LDS Widow/Widower Conference in Cache Valley last week. I’ve been on the planning committee for this conference (I know I don’t actually live in Cache Valley like the rest of the committee members, but they kindly let me still be involved and it has been a truly wonderful experience). That means that for months I have been attending weekly meetings, making and implementing plans, and more than anything thinking about and praying for the widow(er)s who would be attending this conference, seeking to better know and understand how to best meet their needs, to be able to offer them the support that they need. It’s been a beautiful experience. You know that I already felt a connection to this community, but the love I now feel for every single widow or widower I meet has grown exponentially. My time with them and serving them and getting to know them this past week solidified that even more for me.

I had the wonderful opportunity of getting to be one of the presenters at this conference, to teach one of the breakout class sessions. I loved it so much. Doing so further emphasized to me that that is what I want to be doing. I want to be connecting with others, sharing my experiences and professional knowledge and inviting the Spirit to teach us and just….oh, I loved doing it. Made me even more excited for the privilege of getting to teach classes this year at Education Week. Can’t wait. !!!!!!

In addition to presenting or working on (so many!) details behind the scenes, I was also able to participate in fun activities and attend a few classes as well. So many new thoughts and feelings and things I’m now processing, but I think that more than anything I came away with the strong conviction that my life right now is exactly how it is supposed to be. I am not merely picking up the pieces and trying to make the best of awful things that have happened, struggling to create some sort of acceptable Plan B or searching for any second best consolation prize. No, the life I am living is my Plan A. None of the things that have happened in my life, are happening, or will happen, are a surprise to God. It wasn’t my plan, but I’m realizing that God’s plan is always better. Not easier (never easier), but better. Absolutely. And I am so, so happy to be living it.

So there you go. I didn’t give many details here, and I now have a great deal to be doing today to get ready for A’s (first) big surgery tomorrow. There are a lot of unknowns and things won’t be easy for the next while. We’ll be in the hospital for several days, then a six month recovery period, doing the same surgery on the other side hopefully in December, followed by six months more of recovery. But you know what? I’m not worried. I’m really not. I received a priesthood blessing on Sunday that had some beautiful promises and assurances, and I have only felt peace about it since. And yes, so much joy and happiness for life in general.

We of course continue to welcome your prayers (and I believe in the power of putting names on many different prayer rolls to further expand the number of people who are praying in one’s behalf, so if you feel so inclined, thank you!). Pray that the surgeon’s hands will be guided, that recovery will go smoothly, that A will not be afraid, for my continued peace and clarity of mind (instead of hospital PTSD) and that I will have the strength and stamina to give my family (and myself) the care we all need. I can already strongly sense that I am going to learn and grow a lot from this experience. Deep breaths, here we go!