Whoa, did that post title make you do a double-take? (I can pretty much guarantee it did for my father – sorry, Dad!) Is Suzanne really talking about DATING, so soon after hitting her one-year mark? Oh yes, my friends, I am.
The whole subject of dating, or not dating, is so variable and individual for people who are widowed. And not surprisingly, it can get talked about a lot in widow/widower groups. I know some people who started dating only three months post-loss, and others who never intend to date (and who haven’t at all, even after 20 or 30 or even 40+ years of being widowed). I’m not writing this post to make any sort of announcements here as to whether I am or am not dating, or when I may or may not be dating, but I will say that for me and my circumstances I have always assumed that at some point I would date again. (I’m really not that old, guys, and I have a lot of my life ahead of me. Not to mention that I really, really like being with people, in case you hadn’t noticed.)
So it’s been something that I’ve thought a great deal about (which is SUCH a weird position/mindset to be in). While I of course wouldn’t make any decisions about anything without a great deal of prayer involved, I have had some personal criteria and standards that I’ve been firm on. I have felt very strongly that it was important for me to be at a place first where I was perfectly OK with being alone, before I could even consider dating. I wanted to make sure I was good and stable in my life with things physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually….I also needed to be less lonely, if that makes sense. I would NEVER consider dating if I felt I was coming from a place of desperation or neediness.
Whatever my decisions are in this arena (and they are my own), it has surprised me how opinionated other people can be about what I should or should not do, what type of timeline they thought was best for me. Yes, I realize that things are just plain COMPLICATED when there are children involved. Yes, I know that there are a lot of dating horror stories out there, and I need to be cautious. Yes, I know that when it comes to dating I am incredibly naive/inexperienced (I mean, I’ve never even been broken up with before). Yes, I know it has been barely a year since my husband died.
But I also know that in this area of my life, as with all others, the Lord is aware of me and what I and my family need, what is best for each of us. So I’m not worried about it. I will embrace whatever may come, even if it doesn’t (and almost certainly won’t) look like how I would have planned or even really have chosen. I’m OK with that. In the meantime, I get to continue working and focusing on growing and improving and progressing. It’s a good place to be.