What an amazing and miraculous life I have been privileged to live, am living. I mean that sincerely. I do. For so many reasons, not least of which the several instances recently when it has been undeniably evident how the Lord was guiding things in my life, timing or circumstances that really were miracles. I was discussing that very concept with my children tonight during our scripture study, and it made my mama heart tremendously happy that they were able to recognize and share ways when they knew the Lord’s hand was evident in their lives. I am so grateful that that has been one way we have changed and grown as a family this past year and a half, in our abilities to recognize and be grateful for the everyday miracles.
Throughout yesterday I found myself in multiple conversations with various people where some of the rudimentary details and circumstances of Kendall’s illness and subsequent death, and a few hard things from this past year, came up. And each time the other person expressed surprise at how happy I seemed, or asked me how I could possibly be so happy and optimistic in spite of everything. But really, how could I NOT be so happy? My life is amazing. I cannot emphasize enough how much lighter I have felt since the 24th, how much clearer my brain has been, how much I look forward to each day and have that “wanting to hug the whole world” feeling I used to describe when I was in high school and college. It’s been wonderful.
I’ve been thinking over this quote by Steve Goodier: “Those who overcome great challenges will be changed, and often in unexpected ways. For our struggles enter our lives as unwelcome guests, but they bring valuable gifts. And once the pain subsides, the gifts remain. These gifts are life’s true treasures, bought at great price, but cannot be acquired in any other way.”
Isn’t that such a lovely way to look at life, or at trials specifically? Lately I’ve been feeling almost overwhelmed with gratitude for how many blessings I have been given. I know that some of the trials and challenges our family has faced the past nineteen months may have seemed a bit extreme, and many were certainly very public, but I don’t know that I think the STRUGGLE has been any greater than any other person I have ever met. My life is no harder, and no more or less incredible, than anyone else’s. Those miracles and gifts are there for everyone, not just me and my family.
I am excited about life. Despite the hard and the struggles that inevitably come, as well as the ones in my life currently, I’m learning that, “Your healing is not found in running off and creating a new life. It is created by facing your issues and returning to your actual self.” (quote by Morgan Richard Olivier) I love feeling like I am finally emerging from the immense heaviness (even though the grief is still there, of course), and am reconnecting in some powerful ways to my “actual self.” I am still me, with boundless potential. What is more hopeful than that?
(Picture explanation: This was taken the weekend of Kenny’s homecoming, the first time I had seen, and been with, him in two years. Check out that grin!)
