This will be a pretty random post, but I’ve had a lot of loose odds and ends rolling around in my head that didn’t make it into previous entries. I want to get the details recorded so I don’t forget them (or to clarify some things). I’d also like to “purge” my brain so that hopefully I’ll be able to sleep better than I did last night when my mind simply wouldn’t shut off. So in that vein:
-There was another piece of the WandaVision story that made it significant for me. Like Wanda Maximoff, I grew up watching (and loving) “old” TV sitcoms. My dad was in the Army and we moved frequently during my childhood, but those shows on Nick at Night were constant wherever we were. Shows like Happy Days, The Brady Bunch, Mary Tyler Moore (who I thought was the height of fashion – meaning I wore capris WAY before they were in style :), Taxi, I Love Lucy, The Dick Van Dyke Show, etc. were familiar, comforting, and stabilizing. I really resonated with the stylistic choices of WandaVision that payed homage to those types of classic shows. Then there were elements that were reminiscent of more recent shows Kendall and I had enjoyed watching together, like Malcolm in the Middle. I’ve mentioned how much Kendall liked Marvel, of course. So we couldn’t help noticing and commenting from that first episode and as we continued watching that WandaVision felt like such a perfect blend of both of us, combining things we each related to and loved. Tailor-made, if you will. (And also why it felt appropriate to wear the pictured T-shirt last Tuesday. It arrived in the mail, several days earlier than expected, the night before my anniversary.)
-Why Evanescence’s “My Immortal?” On my anniversary I came across a burned CD Kendall had created for me many years ago, one I had completely forgotten about. Since I was all alone I decided to just blast those songs. (Wallowing, remember?) I didn’t even remember beforehand exactly what was on it, but a lot of them made me actually laugh out loud they were so cheesy. The CD was mostly sentimental, sappy love songs, including “our song” from high school. Except then the last song was “My Immortal.” ??? That’s really a song about loss. I’m not sure why Kendall had included that one (other than he always thought it was hauntingly beautiful), because the lyrics really didn’t match the tone of all the other songs. But listening to those words I completely lost it and just bawled. It seemed to perfectly embody the sadness I was feeling, hence the playing on repeat.
-I read through my last post and realized that it sounded like before Kendall’s illness I was off gadding about doing whatever I wanted, being manically social, all the time. That’s totally inaccurate. Yes, I went out a lot more than Kendall did, and I really love being involved in things and being with people. But I certainly wasn’t neglecting our children, and I tried to be home for bedtime routines as much as possible. I might be “out” 2-3 nights a week (except during handbell concert season, when it was more frequent), but often that was after tucking in my youngest. I also did a lot of my socializing during the day when the kids were at school (i.e. having someone over for lunch, going to the temple with a friend, doing stuff at school, etc.). I promise that Kendall wasn’t the only involved parent. And we definitely went out and did things together too.
-I learned that the Red Cross has recently made some changes to their donating requirements. They are so low on blood products that they have lifted some previous restrictions. I am now eligible to donate blood! I have never been able to before because of the years I lived in Germany in the early 1980’s. So I’m signed up and will be donating blood for the first time on August 27th. I’m feeling pretty happy (and a little nervous) about that.
-At some point I would like to write more about the actual day Kendall passed, as well as quite a few details surrounding the funeral, more about when he was first diagnosed, and some other things I haven’t written down yet. But for now it’s getting late, I’m tired, and tomorrow is the first day of school. Night!
