The truth is, despite what people may think or tell me, I’m not particularly strong. I’m simply a very ordinary human, with very real human emotions and struggles. But what I am is consistently strengthened. No question about that. And I know I am trying, and consciously choosing each day to exercise faith, to trust, and to express gratitude despite the hard. And there is a beautiful strength in that, I think.
In my counseling session today we were talking about dealing with triggers and trauma responses, how it was possible to have gratitude for my body and what it has done and is doing for me. It reminds me of something a social worker at Huntsman told me once, encouraging me to try to replace saying “I’m sorry” with “Thank you.” Rather than fighting against my body and this difficult path to healing, I choose to be grateful for the process and where it is taking me.
Part of my healing journey has been dealing with feelings of regret, second-guessing past decisions, acknowledging times I have fallen short (because, that whole human thing again), and learning to have self-compassion for not just where I am now but also my past self who was dealing with such a heavy burden and doing her very best, albeit imperfectly.
My counselor shared the following with me today, called the Welcoming Prayer by Mary Mrozowski, that really struck a chord with me as I continue to deal with triggers.
The Welcoming Prayer
Gently become aware of your body and your interior state.
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
I welcome everything that comes to me in this moment because I know it is for my healing.
I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons, situations and conditions.
I let go of my desire for security.
I let go of my desire for approval.
I let go of my desire for control.
I let go of my desire to change any situation, condition, person, or myself.
I open to the love and presence of God and the healing action and grace within.
So I want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing this journey with me. Thank you for loving me despite my imperfections. And thank you for your continued love and support. Love you all.
