I’ve wondered, do people now just brace themselves when they see I’ve posted a new update, wondering what possible next thing could be going wrong for the Sawyer family? Or is it more a morbid curiosity like watching a real live soap opera unfolding, each installment hooking you for more? I know, we’ve been pretty sensational here for the past good while. I honestly wonder how my brain will handle the time when (surely!) things calm down a bit and it is not constantly fed a steady diet of adrenaline and stress. Will I crash? Go back to a more “normal” state for me? (Because really, guys, my brain was pretty awesome before. I definitely took it for granted.) Will I not know what to do with myself? I guess we’ll find out (stay tuned!).
Don’t worry, no new jaw-dropping tragedies going on here. On the contrary, today has been a really good day. Certainly getting some sleep last night helped (only interrupted three times during the night by children, who are now thankfully able to be back home). But something I think has made a huge difference for me today may surprise you: I’m fasting.
I actually have not fasted for the past six months. Crazy, right, with everything that was going on with Kendall? There was a reason for that, though. About two months into our cancer experience I was fasting on a fast Sunday, when right before our family had dinner I suddenly had to rush Kendall up to Salt Lake to the emergency room. And in the panic of the moment I didn’t think to grab any food or water. Once I was up at the hospital and we were finally checked in (a harrowing experience in and of itself, being in that waiting room with potential COVID exposures), I was not allowed to leave the room AT ALL. For what ended up being more than 15 hours, without access to food. It was not a good situation and I was not in good shape.
After that day, I realized that things with Kendall were too unpredictable, and I needed to make sure I was taking care of myself physically so that I would have the strength for what was being asked of me. I never knew what the day would entail, and I needed to be prepared. I made sure I always had food and water on me, and the Spirit whispered to me that it was OK to allow other people to fast for Kendall and our family during that season. Heavenly Father still heard my prayers, and we could still be blessed by the fasting of others.
So fast forward to ths morning, and waking up I debated if I should fast today. Things were still pretty intense here, but won’t there always be an excuse, or some hard thing going on? I decided that I did indeed want to choose to fast. And today has been incredible. I have felt the Spirit so strongly, my head has been clearer, and more than anything I have felt such joy, peace, hope, and gratitude. Surely they are connected. I don’t know if I would have fully recognized the blessings in fasting if I hadn’t taken such a long break from it, but I’m grateful to have strengthened my testimony of the power of fasting and prayer working together.
(And this picture is of my cute “new” clinic office, a.k.a. my bedroom, all set up for still being able to do teletherapy. We were even able to change out the doorknob on my master closet with the one from my clinic, so all of my client files can still be under lock and key and HIPAA compliant. I shouldn’t end up missing a single session. Phew!)
