When I write these updates, I’m mindful of the fact that many people who read them have gone through (or are going through) incredibly hard experiences, and without the expanding and multi-faceted support network that has sprung up for our family. I’m sorry if that has ever made anyone feel isolated, or unnoticed, or less loved. The truth is, we often don’t know about the hard things that the people around us are facing. I don’t think we need to share every little detail of our lives, but I have learned how willing others are to help bear our burdens when we give them the opportunity to.
I think I’ve mentioned before that I had a feeling near the beginning of all this that I should share our experience (at least parts of it) more publicly than I usually would have. When my sister offered to set up a Meal Train account for me, I really had no idea of what this would become. Because it has become something truly remarkable. People who don’t even know my family personally have been touched by our story and reached out to and connected with us in meaningful ways. Others have become closer friends, or have shared with me how hearing about our experience has helped strengthen them in their lives. I’m in awe of the many blessings and the good that can come out of even seemingly devastating tragedies.
While there are certainly (much) worse problems, I have been a bit overwhelmed with texts, emails, or calls from people wanting to know how they can help. The truth is I usually don’t even know what help my family does need, or what help we can even accept. Things are so intense every day, living moment to moment, that it’s difficult to take the time to process through things enough to identify specific ways another person might be able to help.
What has been the most helpful is when a person will offer something specific. I am much more likely to contact someone to pick up some groceries for me if she has specifically offered to do that very thing in the past. Sometimes there have been things suggested that I didn’t even realize would fill a need (or want), but that ended up being a huge help. We have someone who works in a library and regularly delivers library books for my children. Another who offered to drive me to and from Salt Lake on some days because her office is only 10 minutes away from Huntsman, allowing me to catch up on sleep in the car. There’s the neighbor who fills my car with gas when I need it, the person who drives things back and forth between schools for my kids, my go-to people to take my dog when needed, or the person who has offered to be “on call” for any time my kids might need pizza delivered when I’m stuck at the hospital. There are so many examples.
That doesn’t mean that I suddenly want to get get more emails, texts, or phone calls with ideas or offers. A kind neighbor has volunteered to take over managing that for me. She has set up a separate email address ([email protected]) where people can email specific ways that they feel like they can serve. If I’m being brutally honest, it really isn’t helpful when people say, “Let me know if you need anything!” or “I can help with anything!” I am only likely to reach out to someone if they have been specific about what they are able to do (and that I can trust isn’t a huge burden on them). Not everyone would be comfortable making a meal, or helping with homework, or doing shopping, etc.
There is NO OBLIGATION to email. In fact, that would probably be pretty overwhelming if everyone did. But if you ever have a specific thought come to mind of a way you feel like you would (and could) help anyone in my family, now there is a (more manageable) outlet. You may think of something that fills a need I didn’t even know existed. My neighbor is going to create a Google doc spreadsheet for us to keep track of things. I simply don’t know what the future holds and what help I might need to ask for in the coming months.
I’m including a picture here of these beautiful tulips. They certainly weren’t something I would have thought to specifically ask for, but a sweet friend delivered them to me a few weeks ago as little stalks barely pushing through the dirt. Little did she know that they would bloom on what proved to be the very hardest day for me (thus far), and how much seeing them when I got home momentarily lifted my spirits.
You are all so wonderful. Thank you for your words of encouragement, your prayers, the way you have uplifted me and my family. Thank you for your patience that I haven’t been able to respond regularly to all of the texts or other communications. I do feel your love and your genuineness and your goodness in all of those offers, and in every comment, every Facebook like, every heartfelt message. Love to you all.
