Posts by Suzanne Sawyer-Espinoza

It's interesting how much we miss when only viewing a person from the outside. Oh, there are a lot of things we can observe. Does a person's smile reach their eyes? Is their voice animated or despondent? What about the tells of body language when they think no one is watching? I would hope that someone observing me would come to the conclusion that I am generally…

I know, isn't that wind-swept hair AMAZING? So what have I been up to for the past three months? (We're going to pretend that you are dying of interest instead of your more likely state of total indifference as you've probably forgotten I and this blog exist because it's been so long since I last posted...) Life seems to move at only one speed for me, and…

Spring is coming, guys! Yes, I know that in Utah we play our annual teasing back and forth game between real spring and winter not quite loosening its hold over our weather, but it does such wonders for my soul when we finally emerge from those darker, colder months. Sun! Flowers. Birds. GREEN! And warmth, which also means less pain. Perhaps it was not a coincidence that…

I was recently called as an organist for my ward (church congregation), to play during our main worship service (sacrament meeting). Would it surprise you that after I was issued the call, I went home and cried? It's true, and not a little bit either. I'm not exactly proud of it, but this calling has proven to be not only physically difficult for me, but emotionally as…

This brain o' mine is always working. Yes, even the foggy/widow/trauma brain version (just maybe not as effectively then, haha). There have been many moments when I've wished I could take a break and turn off all of that thinking. Do you ever feel that way? I'm kind of jealous of men's ability (or so I've been told) to at times literally not be thinking anything. What…

Do you also feel like the majority of my posts are my sharing some hard thing (or many of them piled on top of one another) that has been happening, showing that we're "getting through it," and then forcing myself to see (and write about) a positive side? Or buckling down and then through sheer grit and determination staying committed to choosing faith despite things feeling so…

Once again I sit here composing a blog entry from the comfort (??) of a hospital room. Okay, if I'm being honest, this has actually been one of the least comfortable hospital rooms I have ever stayed in (and I've been in more than my fair share). Certainly the smallest. Still, you make due, because what other choice is there? And the size of the room or…

I usually do this at the beginning of the new year, but being stuck in bed for a week does give a person a lot of time to think over things (and to catch up on continuing education courses she may or may not have procrastinated doing until the end of the year - oops). And with it being December, it was only natural to start ruminating…

I've decided that I must have a serious problem here. As in, stage an intervention stat for this girl. Although they say that admitting there is a problem is often half the battle, right? Because I strongly suspect that I have somehow unwittingly become....an attention junkie. Really, this is surely not normal. Has my life become nothing more than a constant search for my next fix? Resorting…

Remember when I said that I had started several posts during my two months o' blog silence here, but nothing ever got finished? I was reading back over some of what I'd written, and is it funny that in light of everything that happened afterward I had already forgotten just how stressful things were leading up to the wedding? Really, it about pushed me over the edge…