Posts by Suzanne Sawyer-Espinoza

Has it been obvious that I like to think (or talk, or write) through things? I also like being prepared when I can. I don't think it's totally a matter of wanting to have control, or even just a way to manage anxiety. I simply like having things I know I can DO, ways to channel my energy and feel like I'm helping or improving or making…

I mean, really the surprising thing was that I managed to go more than two years without catching COVID, even when it was in my home. And let's not forget the fact that I work in peoples' mouths! But yes, I did indeed test positive for COVID this morning. The good news? None of the kids have symptoms and are currently testing negative. Having my own bathroom…

Does that seem like a funny thing to say about myself? Especially when I didn't mean it sarcastically, I do actually believe it. Last Saturday I was out with a friend, and in our conversation I casually said, "I mean, 'cause I'm amazing." She stopped, looked at me, and asked, "You can just say that about yourself, with no hesitation?" I hadn't even thought about it beforehand,…

I'm trying to routinely stop and ask myself how I am doing with being fully present in the various moments of my life. That's been especially important with some of the dissociation I have had at times with trauma and PTSD responses. I want to know, am I embracing all of my experiences, even the difficult ones? Each day brings its own full list of demands and…

The kids and I are calling this our "rebooting summer." While thankfully we have not ever COMPLETELY crashed, never been all systems down, it has felt like we've been stuck in buffering mode during this past year. We got through last summer and the school year, but too often only just barely making it by the skin of our teeth. It's been unrelentingly chaotic trying to get…

This picture was taken nearly 21 years ago, on the day that I was able to go through with Kenny and do my own work in the temple. Temple work is very important within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, where we are able to make sacred promises (covenants) with God that make it possible for us to be with our families even after death.…

OK, honeymoon probably isn't the right word, since this past year would have been considered a pretty terrible one. (Nothing like my experience back in 2001, that's for sure.) This picture is of Kenny and me about three weeks after we were married, in the process of moving all our earthly possessions down to our apartment in Provo where we would be attending school. It was at…

Who are the people who have been the most influential in your life? Obviously meeting Kenny in high school ended up really changing the course of my life (aren't high-school-us so cute?). But there are so many people I have crossed paths with over the past 40 years who have helped shape who I have become as a person, how my life has played out thus far.…

I'm finding that there's a fine line between accepting that I have very little control over things while recognizing that circumstances will likely NEVER turn out exactly how I would have planned, vs. constantly defaulting to expecting, and bracing for, the worst. I am mindful that that doomsday, always on guard feeling is a trauma response. I know that ultimately I get to choose what I focus…

I have always appreciated the concept of a fresh start. I tend to look for excuses to set or recommit to personal goals, but especially at natural transition times of the year like when school starts, the beginning of a new calendar year, or even a birthday or anniversary. I also like to be intentionally introspective when anything is ending, to consider how I may have grown,…