Posts by Suzanne Sawyer-Espinoza

I mentioned this in passing to a friend last night and, judging by her reaction, I'm realizing that it may not be such a normal thing that I get something in the mail nearly every day related to medical bills? Granted, not every single one is a bill needing to be paid, may be an Explanation of Benefits notice or some such, but it is rare now…

I have got to get some new material here! Really, Suzanne, the whole "Here we are in the ER again" bit is getting more than old. You must be starting to think that we do this for fun! ("Things are feeling kinda dull today, and we've gone whole weeks now without seeing our friends in the ER. Maybe we should pop down and say hi!") Or maybe…

I have literally started four different blog posts within the last 48 hours. I kept thinking of new things I wanted to write about as I listened to different talks during General Conference. (Because woohoo, it was once again General Conference weekend! Yes, we've been smack in the middle of another round of the Conference store, special Conference snacks, the traditional "Conference meal" hosted at Dad's house,…

I have an app on my phone that gives me a daily Bible verse, along with some thoughtful commentary and questions. It's a great way to start off my day. The verse today was Matthew 14:14, which says, "And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick." What makes this verse stand out to me…

I'm not sure exactly what I expected of the death anniversary this year (many call it an angelversary, although for some reason I've never loved that term). This wasn't our first go around, after all. With all of the health-related issues happening in our household lately, I didn't plan ahead as carefully as last year. I may not have taken the entire week off of work this…

I do realize that everyone has stuff always going on in their lives. Inconvenient or challenging things regularly come up and then need to be dealt with, that's certainly not unique to the Sawyers. But tell me it's not all in my mind that we seem to have had a higher than average number of strange or altogether big things happening in our lives recently? Recently meaning…

I am frequently asked the question, "How are you doing?" I don't really mind, despite how complicated it can feel now to answer that. I understand the kind intent behind the query and I do want to stay caught up with and connected to others. It's often difficult for me to formulate an answer, though. First off, I don't know (or want to seem to presume) if…

Even with widow brain (still a thing!), I would say that I have a better than average long term memory. While my short term memory is far from amazing now, there are moments from the past that I really can remember with astounding detail (there are several people who could back me up on this). I'm a very visual person, and when I think back on a…

This blog has provided a front row seat to my own journey with grief, has been a safe space for me to work through thoughts and feelings. I've been pretty open about things that have been painful and difficult. I also know that it has been evident how much I have learned and grown throughout all of this, for which I am grateful. If you had asked…

Did you know that I am actually relieved when people tell me no after I ask for help with something? Really. One side effect of having had so many big, relatively public trials and seemingly continual tragedies going on here is that people will naturally feel sorry for us, and when they learn about our circumstances they usually want to help. Not a bad thing, right? Except…