Posts by Suzanne Sawyer-Espinoza

Hey now, I'm not talking about anything untoward or illegal involving drugs here! (Um, that was probably obvious, Suzanne. *eye roll*) But I absolutely am a "pusher." It's just what I do. I push through hard things. I push past pain. I push myself to achieve things. I push myself to my limits. And while there have been many times my ability to keep going has benefited…

Coming across this picture has had me thinking about how life is full of so many "before _________" and "after ___________" divisions. Of course, many of those are only clear in hindsight. We don't typically know when something is going to be a last, or when some unanticipated life-changing event was just on the horizon. Or sometimes we do sense that. We know that the birth of…

I will be attending an LDS Widow/Widower conference in Salt Lake later this week. (Seems like there are a lot of those, right? For some reason they are all front-loaded in the calendar this year. Fun for me now, though!) In preparation for the conference a request was made for people to record videos, to talk in three minutes or less about some of the miracles we…

Sometimes I wonder if reading these posts makes it seem like I'm constantly all over the place with my emotions. While it is true that I do feel things deeply, and I can be more emotion-driven rather than purely logic based, for the most part I am simply going through life fairly content and happy. I do use these posts sometimes to work through difficult emotions, though,…

I was in a really weird head space when I wrote that last blog entry. Not sure it's such a great idea for me to be processing through things so late at night (especially in a public forum), when without other things to occupy or distract me some of those unsettling memories can so easily force themselves to the surface. In reading back through it the next…

Have you ever considered what a miracle blood is? I mean, really? I've actually thought a great deal about blood over the past few years, and especially recently. Blood represents and sustains life. We use the word "blood" to denote family relationships. With modern medicine people can compassionately donate their own blood to save the lives of others. Blood can have religious symbolism. And for some encountering…

Unless you are very new to this blog, you've probably already picked up on the fact that I love BYU's Education Week. It is held every August (although was virtual during Covid), and it is quite literally my all-time favorite week. The things I learn and the spiritual boost I receive help buoy me up for the next year. I take copious notes, and I will study…

And yet here we are! The good news is that I really didn't feel the same sort of hospital PTSD today. Or even better, A did not end up needing to have the emergency surgery that was looking inevitable there for a while. We are also finally home after *only* nine hours at the hospital. (So really, no complaints - this time wasn't a 15 hour ER…

Do I really have writer's block here? There are plenty of things floating around in my head, and certainly several recent events about which I could update y'all. But I've been staring blankly at this screen for a bit now. I'm having trouble getting started, or trying to think of any sort of "theme" or overall message to focus my writing. Blehhhhhhhhhhh......... I would like things to…

We all have an innate need to feel like we belong. For someone who does a decent job with meeting and speaking to new people, would it surprise you how often I don't feel like I fully belong? That I don't know where or how I fit? Set apart because I'm a widow, or younger (or perhaps older) than everyone around me, or because I'm a single…