Posts by Suzanne Sawyer-Espinoza

And yet here we are! The good news is that I really didn't feel the same sort of hospital PTSD today. Or even better, A did not end up needing to have the emergency surgery that was looking inevitable there for a while. We are also finally home after *only* nine hours at the hospital. (So really, no complaints - this time wasn't a 15 hour ER…

Do I really have writer's block here? There are plenty of things floating around in my head, and certainly several recent events about which I could update y'all. But I've been staring blankly at this screen for a bit now. I'm having trouble getting started, or trying to think of any sort of "theme" or overall message to focus my writing. Blehhhhhhhhhhh......... I would like things to…

We all have an innate need to feel like we belong. For someone who does a decent job with meeting and speaking to new people, would it surprise you how often I don't feel like I fully belong? That I don't know where or how I fit? Set apart because I'm a widow, or younger (or perhaps older) than everyone around me, or because I'm a single…

I am going to try not to get too overly sappy or sentimental here. (Emphasis on the word try, because may not succeed.) I also don't want to embarrass someone by writing this post. (Sorry, Liz, but surely you were expecting that something like this was coming?) The truth is that I am a hurting puddle of emotions right now. I've been a bit shocked at the…

I just got back from attending an LDS Widow/Widower Conference in St. George. It's difficult to express how important that community has become for me. I still do not have a lot of single friends (at least compared to the number of married friends I have), although I have started attending some single adult activities. But at least thus far the place I feel the most comfortable…

I really love the start of a new year. Sure, there is some relief associated with leaving behind the busyness or pressures of the holidays, or now the grief surrounding them. But I have always enjoyed taking advantage of this time to reflect on what happened the previous year and taking stock of where I'm at, setting and working on goals, determining or reprioritizing what I feel…

I have started a blog post several times and it just hasn't seemed to properly coalesce. The past week has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster, so what I have wanted to say keeps changing. Now to try to catch up! I would say that the buildup to Christmas last year was much harder, at least for me (hard to judge for my kids). But…

How many things do we have in our life that we simply do not notice or take completely for granted, until they aren't there anymore? Really, when was the last time you were consciously grateful for your eyebrows? Bet it's been a while, right? I know, that seems like a silly example, and most people don't wake up in the morning bursting with thanks for having eyebrows.…

I am terrible about sending Christmas cards to friends and family. I think I have maybe managed to send them out a whopping two or three times since being married. With my blogging now I do feel like the people who matter the most to us are generally kept in the loop about what's been happening with our family throughout the year (although I don't talk a…

Currently sitting at an ice rink while two of my children are doing the free skate (with Santa!). It’s pretty crazy here, as it tends to be in December. I opted not to skate tonight, am instead acting as a bystander to all of the skaters, listening to their squeals and laughter, observing some definite (and amusing?) flirting going on (Saturday date night in Provo!) and witnessing…