Posts by Suzanne Sawyer-Espinoza

Can I tell you how grateful I am for not only being able to recognize what was wrong with me, but then knowing the steps I needed to take and what help I needed to then seek out? I met with my doctor on Wednesday, and no question I was correct with my self diagnosis. I was top of the charts for every item on the depression…

I had a therapy session yesterday where my client was struggling with a lot of frustration and negative thoughts about their communication struggles and how they were impacting them professionally and socially. As part of the session we went through a series of thought exercises, acknowledging what felt hard and why but then also answering questions like, "But what else is true?" and trying to reframe some…

Such a strange feeling. The best way I can describe it is I feel detached from, well, myself. And from life in general. What a far cry from the amazing, joyful, peaceful place I was at just six weeks ago. I was talking with a friend on Saturday evening and I suddenly had the realization of, "You know, I think I might be depressed!" She agreed. I…

Restoring. That's such a great word. So is re-anchoring. I mentioned that I didn't think my mom's passing was the same sort of hinge moment for me that Kendall's was. I'm now not as sure. I can sense that were I to allow it, this experience could still break me, make me bitter or cynical, damaged. These emotions have been so strong, really have been the "waves"…

I'm not sure where to even begin with this post. I've been trying, guys. So. very. HARD. I've been consciously and consistently looking for the miracles (and there really are so many), focusing on the positive and deliberately expressing gratitude, trusting in a greater plan. All while experiencing setback after setback, and while I know I haven't really been alone, it has certainly felt like it plenty…

As a solo parent and with the long list of responsibilities that role entails (not to mention all those new crises that continue to pop up), I am aware that I'm often not very far away from burnout. My personality doesn't help with that, either, as I like to push myself and tackle new challenges head on (well, usually). I haven't always been good about saying no…

Talk about a lot of posts in one day! My brain is swimming with them, with ideas I want to get out. It seems like the more I write, then the more I want to say. How does that work exactly? Remember how I idolized Mary Tyler Moore growing up? (I mean, her fashion sense!) There's a quote she said once that I've found myself thinking about…

Well that didn't take long! Here is the link to Mom's funeral recording. For those who may have watched virtually on Saturday, this is a different (much better) recording. You can actually see the grandchildren singing, rather than only the speaker at the pulpit. https://byu.app.box.com/s/4ubrjqt3y7b0y42t23m5bwu6x544qskm I also have the link now to the slideshow of pictures and music that was playing during the viewings. (Great job with…

At least for me, hands down the best part of a funeral and attending the viewings is getting to see and connect with people from all periods of a person's life. I was able to see elementary school friends I hadn't seen in decades, hear stories from people who knew my mom growing up, meet people my dad has worked with, and just interact with so many…

Once again Meal Train has done its magic, as after I wrote that post Monday evening and purged those thoughts, things have felt more manageable since. It still amazes me how very therapeutic I now find writing, when I wasn't a huge writer before Kendall's illness. Tuesday and today have felt...well, OK. Still hard moments, but generally doing OK. There continue to be evidences of how God…