Thus far I have mostly been posting about Kendall and how he’s doing, but if you’ll indulge me I’d like to share a little about myself in this post. I’m not even sure how many read these updates, but I know that many are people who might not know me or whom I have not been in close contact with for the past few years.
I’ve struggled for years with various health conditions. I won’t go into a laundry list of everything, but before Kendall’s diagnosis I would not have attempted to drive more than 30 minutes away because without intervention I would have days (or weeks) of terrible pain afterward from my cervicocranial syndrome. When it’s really bad my brainstem can get pinched, which causes a variety of alarming problems and symptoms. Huntsman Cancer Hospital is an hour from our house, each way, and some weeks I have needed to drive back and forth every day.
I have some autoimmune conditions that make the cold quite painful for me. At its very worst I have had to wear special gloves all the time, could not touch food in my fridge or cold water or anything metal with my bare hands, have had to wear special socks and shoes, and would have dozens of excruciating “vasospasms” a day. Typically when the weather starts to turn cold, I would wake up in the morning in a lot of pain, unable to move my fingers or walk until Kendall had manually straightened out my fingers and rubbed my feet until I could stand to walk on them. It was just part of daily life in the winter.
All of my health challenges (including my asthma) become much worse with 1) cold, 2) stress, 3) poor diet, and/or 4) not enough sleep. And folks, I have been 4/4 for the past few months. I shouldn’t still be functioning, but here I am. I haven’t needed to wear the gloves in this picture a SINGLE TIME this fall while I was inside. I’ve made every needed 60+ minute drive. I’ve carried on without enough sleep and haven’t been brought down by migraines. And I haven’t had the time or energy to follow the strict diet that usually alleviates my worst symptoms, and most of the time I am not walking around with a lot of pain. Some pain, yes, but nothing that has been debilitating. AND THAT HAS BEEN AN ABSOLUTE MIRACLE.
There is no doubt in my mind that my Heavenly Father has been “strengthening my back” to be able to bear these trials and burdens. Yes, there have been so very many who have helped to bear that load when they could, but it has been a miracle that my own health has not prevented me from doing what needs to be done each day. I have such great respect now for caregivers, and I am beyond grateful for the Lord’s tender mercies that allow me to be one even in the midst of a pandemic. He is aware of me and my needs, as well as Kendall and each of our children. We feel the Lord’s love each day, and that makes all the difference. We are so very blessed.