Talk about a lot of posts in one day! My brain is swimming with them, with ideas I want to get out. It seems like the more I write, then the more I want to say. How does that work exactly?
Remember how I idolized Mary Tyler Moore growing up? (I mean, her fashion sense!) There’s a quote she said once that I’ve found myself thinking about recently. “You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.” It’s true, of course. We also can’t stretch and grow without the hard things. I think of people in my life who have demonstrated real bravery, in the face of affliction. Certainly my mother did, as well as Kendall, facing pain and loss of physical abilities and even ultimately death without complaint. Trying and fighting and giving to their families to the very end. No question I would call that bravery.
But I think there can be an equal sort of bravery in being left behind. In still waking and getting up and doing what needs to be done, in the face of grief and trauma and different sorts of pain. In not giving up. In not shying away from the things that feel hard and perhaps even triggering. Being willing to face grief again head on, knowing better this time what may be in store. For choosing to trust that things WILL get better, that God is aware of us even in the darkness and even when we may not feel Him. When I look for it, I find evidences all around me of people being brave each and every day. I especially think it is brave when a person is able to admit they need help, and then be willing to ask for and accept it.
My heart was touched by this friend showing up to support me at the viewing, despite the fact that being there was a painful reminder of how she had lost her own mother just a few months ago. It took me nearly a year after losing Kendall before I was able to attend another viewing (which happened to be her mother’s). It simply felt too hard. And yet, she and numerous others came and served and loved me and my family that evening and the next day at the viewing and funeral. In the weeks and months leading up to my mother’s death. In the difficult moments that sometimes felt too heavy to bear alone. They have been willing to mourn with us, to help carry this crushing loss and sorrow that we never wanted.
Life is full of so many hard things. It just is. For all of us. But I think I consider hope and faith to be the pinnacle of true bravery. It’s scary to be vulnerable, to open ourselves up to being hurt even if it is what may be best for us. When God tells us that there is a better way than what we may have envisioned. What a beautiful, brave thing it can be to trust in the Lord.
