Busy But Hopefully Not Too

I know, isn’t that wind-swept hair AMAZING?

So what have I been up to for the past three months? (We’re going to pretend that you are dying of interest instead of your more likely state of total indifference as you’ve probably forgotten I and this blog exist because it’s been so long since I last posted…)

Life seems to move at only one speed for me, and that’s busy. Did you know that being overly busy all the time can actually be a trauma or anxiety response? As hard as it is to admit, I can see how I have sometimes used it as a way to avoid feeling hard emotions or dealing with intrusive thoughts.

Now don’t get me wrong. I do thrive on being busy, and involved, and exploring different interests and passions, and giving myself new challenges and goals to meet, and making connections and cultivating relationships. I think we’ve established that I do not recharge by being alone.

I don’t believe there is anything inherently wrong with being driven, or loving so many things about life, and constantly pushing myself to be more. But I also know it’s also important to give myself time to breathe, and to be present and not distracted by all the things. That’s a balance that I have always struggled with, the allowing myself to just sit and be sometimes. Thankfully Jaime can be a good influence for me in this regard. With the warmer weather we’ve established a routine of sitting out on the porch swing at night to just talk, decompress, and enjoy the peaceful night. It’s lovely.

So, what things have been occupying my time? I could write a post about each one of these, but here is a quick synopsis.

Remember that English class for children Jaime and I were teaching through the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints My Hometown initiative in Provo? At the end of the previous series of classes I volunteered (with Jaime helping) to teach a one night overview on accent reduction for native Spanish speakers (I mean, I do do this professionally, so it wasn’t much of a stretch). The class was hugely popular, with standing room only, so after that evening Jaime and I decided we would volunteer to teach a weekly accent modification class. It has been so much fun. I provide the professional knowledge, and Jaime translates as needed (and keeps everyone laughing – he was born to work a crowd).

My summer clinic has started, which is always a lot of work upfront. I have a new-to-my-clinic therapist working here this summer (she’s fantastic), which has meant extra training but is helping to shoulder the summer’s therapy caseload. She is really good with our pediatric clients, and she has some feeding experience I don’t so I am also learning from her. Great combination.

I am taking a 12-week class this summer teaching me how to create, market, and implement my own online course. It’s a lot of work (10-15 hours a week, on top of my work schedule), but I’m excited about the possibilities moving forward. I’ve reached a point as a clinician where there is only one of me, and some of the types of therapy I do are very specialized. This will not only (hopefully!) bring in some passive income, but will also allow me to help more people than I would otherwise.

I am once again on the planning committee for this year’s Cache Valley LDS Widow/Widower Conference. I will have the privilege of being one of the presenters, and then the following week I will be doing Education Week. I’m only presenting one class this year (for anyone interested, on Monday August 19th I will be in room 207 of the Martin Building from 8:30-9:25 a.m.), on the topic “How to Help Your Brain Work: Strategies to Improve Memory, Time Management, and Organization.” I will also be doing quite a few teacher inservice trainings in August, so lots of prep to do between now and then!

Jaime and I were able to visit Virginia a few weeks ago. We took advantage of the chance to stay with Kendall’s mom before she moves here to Utah later this month (and without kids, which was kind of awesome – don’t worry, we get plenty of family time and did take a mini family vacation last April over spring break). There is a piece of me that will always consider Virginia to be home, and it was wonderful getting to share it (and D.C.) with Jaime. It was a nice perk being in the same church congregation as a congressman, who was able to get us some behind-the-scenes special passes to places. The weather there was absolutely perfect. And oh, do I miss those trees!

I’ve also been working on MY BOOK! It’s a much slower process than I would like, and still emotionally draining, but I am making slow and steady progress. (About 170 pages so far….) Want to see a sneak preview? Of course there will be future editing, but here is the intro as it currently stands:

Everyone has a story worth telling, a unique collection of experiences that over time slowly shape and help create the person we become. We all have those truly life-changing moments in our timeline that stretch us to our absolute limits, those events and chapters that leave us forever changed. I have one such remarkable story to tell, one of so many miracles, and heartbreak, of sacrifices, of growth, and ultimately one of enduring hope.

It’s a real temptation to merely give the saccharine version when recounting a past trial, jumping ahead to point out the lessons learned and the many blessings that were recognized afterward. They are always there, if we look for them, those lessons and blessings. Evidences of God’s hand in our lives. But what about in the midst of it, when you don’t know the ending and that things will “all be okay” or come together for your good? What about when you are living through that excruciatingly painful refining process? Are the miracles as evident then? Does that assurance of God’s love and assistance lie there as well, not needing to wait until after the trial of our faith?

I am grateful that parts of my own crucible journey were recorded in real time, rather than now only able to be viewed through the lens of my current perspective and insight. Even now it further anchors my faith as I reread, in my own words, about the period of time when my family was living those literal life or death moments each day. A time when I became better acquainted with the nature of God, that He is intimately aware of and loves me.

Mine really is a love story, and one that began long before any talk of tumors, broken spines, rare cancers and conditions, chemotherapy and radiation, bone marrow transplants, and even death. It is not my story alone, though I am the one to tell it now, but ours together. One that was many years in the making, and that came to include God in an undeniably tangible, personal way so that I can honestly say that I feel grateful for having had the privilege of living it. To be living it still.

Any thoughts? (Feel free to be honest, but please also be kind. This is very near and dear to my heart.)

I know this was kind of a spill and dump post that barely touched on the many pieces that currently make up our busy, full life here. I’ll end with some pictures to give you a further peek into the past few months. (I promise that I don’t only take photos of just myself, but as this blog’s main purpose is to tell my story instead of being updates on the kids, here you go.)