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This has been a difficult weekend, probably the hardest for me since the actual day Kendall passed. It has already been pretty emotional, and I'm feeling a bit wrung out even though it is only Saturday evening. I've been told that my family has an excessive amount of traditions, and that might very well be true. Maybe I have gone overboard sometimes and made things more complicated…

I've wondered, do people now just brace themselves when they see I've posted a new update, wondering what possible next thing could be going wrong for the Sawyer family? Or is it more a morbid curiosity like watching a real live soap opera unfolding, each installment hooking you for more? I know, we've been pretty sensational here for the past good while. I honestly wonder how my…

Or a tragedy? Definitely laughable, because if I don't choose to laugh I will just cry (although I have done some of that too the past few days....). Sometime between 1:00 and 5:30 p.m. on Thursday, my sewage line backed up and flooded my basement. Yes, all of it, including my therapy clinic that is down there. I've had 48 hours now to take stock of things,…

I mentioned in passing a few posts ago that one of my children has been diagnosed with a rare and potentially life-threatening medical condition. That is my oldest, who gave me permission to post about this. We know for certain that she has a severe case of Superior Mesenteric Artery Syndrome. What we don't know is if it was exacerbated by a sudden large weight loss (an…

This painting, Kate Lee's "Flaxen Cords," now hangs in my bedroom. I love its symbolism and simple beauty. I'm sure over time it will come to mean different things to me, but for now it is a visual representation of moving through grief and overcoming personal trials. When I first came across the painting online the accompanying description immediately resonated with me: "Cords have the ability to…

Last week over spring break the kids and I were able to get away for a few days to stay at a resort in Midway. A massive thank you to the wonderful group of college friends who so generously made the trip possible for our family. Despite Midway being quite close to us (only about half an hour away), neither the kids or I had ever been…

Happy Easter! Wasn't General Conference wonderful this weekend? (And it wasn't just me? That an unusually large percentage of the talks were about loss, death, missing loved ones, and the Resurrection? Wow. Hard in some ways so soon after losing Kendall, but also reassuring to feel how aware Heavenly Father is of our family, and knows exactly what comfort we will need in the next six months.)…

This part of the journey is not fun, and we're just barely dipping our toes in. But our family is choosing to focus on the word "gentle" as we interact with each other during this season. We sat down together and talked about how this is hard for all of us (even Mom), and there will be times (often, and sometimes unexpectedly) when we feel grumpy, or…

(I did just go back and watch the talks from the funeral, and gak! How did I manage to say "mission farewell" TWICE?!?! Meant mission HOMECOMING both times. Yeesh.) I wanted to share another thing from last Tuesday that made the day memorable for us. After the dedicatory prayer at the graveside service, I popped up (sorry, bishop, for not giving you a heads up about that)…

What a wonderful experience those viewings and that funeral were. Hard, yes, but also so so joyous. I thought the speakers, the music, everything was just right. Thank you to the many people who participated, attended or viewed remotely, or helped in any way to make everything come together. I especially loved attending the viewing on Monday night, when I was able to be there (without my…