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Let me start by saying that I don't think trials are on a horizontal plane. It's not about comparing our "hard" with anyone else's. There isn't some arbitrary yardstick of "THIS trial is [X times] harder than this one, which isn't quite as bad as _______________." I mean, sure, there are some things we would probably classify more as annoyances or inconveniences, but when it comes to…

Who wouldn't be cheered by finding these in their bathroom? (No, nothing creepy or unsavory going on with someone putting them there for me to discover.) On Saturday I ran into someone from our old ward whom I hadn't seen in a while. She knew the rudimentary details about what has been going on for our family, and she wanted to know if she could help in…

I was reading back through some old Meal Train entries, particularly from those first weeks and months after Kendall died. I wrote about being triggered while in the hospital with my oldest child, then how overwhelming our *first* major flood right after was. I couldn't help but chuckle ruefully at how I ended my post on May 1, 2021. "Things will calm down someday, right? I mean,…

I hadn't realized that there is a bit of notoriety that comes with speaking in stake conference. It's been interesting being recognized (and it felt like also carefully observed) as I was experiencing what in many ways was one of the most difficult weeks in my life (which you know, is saying something). It seems like everywhere the past two weeks I have run into people who…

I feel like I have lived a lifetime since my last post, plunged back in to the nightmarish world of constant fight or flight, hospitals, sitting there alone as the only adult making decisions, so many unanswered questions, and that ever-pervasive feeling of helplessness at not being able to alleviate the pain of someone I love. At this very moment I’m actually writing while sitting in an…

Yep, tomorrow is my (21st) wedding anniversary. It won't really resemble 2021's anniversary, though. Like last year I did clear my schedule. Or at least tried to. I did move all of my clients from that day to later this week. Except early Wednesday morning I will need to take my son to his middle school orientation/pay class fees/get his schedule/take school pictures event, and then immediately…

Despite my misgivings earlier this week, preparing my talk and then getting to speak in stake conference was a wonderful experience. It was humbling to have people come up to me after the meeting and share some of their own difficult experiences, expressing how my message had resonated with or uplifted them as their own spouses have cancer, or they have lost a loved one, etc. Over…

Can I tell you how grateful I am for not only being able to recognize what was wrong with me, but then knowing the steps I needed to take and what help I needed to then seek out? I met with my doctor on Wednesday, and no question I was correct with my self diagnosis. I was top of the charts for every item on the depression…

I had a therapy session yesterday where my client was struggling with a lot of frustration and negative thoughts about their communication struggles and how they were impacting them professionally and socially. As part of the session we went through a series of thought exercises, acknowledging what felt hard and why but then also answering questions like, "But what else is true?" and trying to reframe some…

Such a strange feeling. The best way I can describe it is I feel detached from, well, myself. And from life in general. What a far cry from the amazing, joyful, peaceful place I was at just six weeks ago. I was talking with a friend on Saturday evening and I suddenly had the realization of, "You know, I think I might be depressed!" She agreed. I…