I’ve been careful to not talk a lot about the details of my daughter’s health issues here on Meal Train, and I don’t intend to dive into specifics now. (Yes, I have her permission for what I’m sharing.) But guys, it is a HUGE cause for celebration that on Friday we learned she has gained SIX POUNDS!! Huge, amazing, enormous, utterly fabulous, monumental, wow, wow, WOW! Before the feeding tube her symptoms had become severe enough that she couldn’t function much at all, spent most of her time in bed, and the steady weight loss due to various medical conditions had really reached critical levels. We still have a long road ahead of us toward good health, but I can’t tell you what a relief it has been to finally be getting some good news. Or how grateful I have been that she was able to attend school this past week, go to church today, and even have the stamina to go to the farmer’s market with our family yesterday.
I went to the temple Friday morning, and for the first time put her doctor’s name on the temple prayer roll. We had an appointment with him later that afternoon. He is a specialist and VERY busy, seeing patients and performing surgeries in Orem, Draper, and Ogden each week. I can’t think it was an accident, though, that on that day circumstances conspired so that he was able to spend an hour and a half (!!!!) with us. Or that as we were talking about other strange symptoms she has had that we thought were unrelated to her GI issues, that the doctor had a sort of aha moment. He suddenly put some things together that will likely lead to some specific diagnoses that have previously eluded us these past two years, will provide some answers to the complicated puzzle of her health. One syndrome in particular (yes, pretty rare) is hereditary, and reading through the list of symptoms I realized that Kenny had Every. Single. One. A coincidence? I don’t think so.
Even more incredible, it just so happens that there is going to be a conference held in Salt Lake the beginning of October that will have doctors and specialists meeting and lecturing on one of the diagnoses we strongly suspect she has (the diagnosis process can be lengthy with that one, and I’ll need to take a lot of data on some things over these next few weeks and months). Even better, I will be allowed to attend the day for patients and parents, and her doctor is going to attend the day geared toward physicians. So, definitely some encouraging progress on figuring things out and working toward getting my daughter the help she needs. Cause for celebration indeed!
You know, I almost feel like a different person than I was two months ago, or even a few weeks ago. Does that seem like an overstatement there? Really, though, it’s been such a concentrated, crucible time for me. There were things I have needed to let go of that I didn’t even know I was holding on to. Aspects of grief I hadn’t experienced yet. Places I went to that I never had before, depths of understanding I have now that I didn’t in the same way before. It wasn’t until the day when Kendall died that I was able to completely reach the point where I could hand him and his situation wholly over to the Lord. It may sound a bit melodramatic here, because things certainly have not been the same kind of life or death each and every moment this time, but I do feel like I have been stretched to be able to do the same thing with my child. It’s been difficult in new ways to hand over my worry and fear to the Lord, to trust that He has a perfect plan for each member of my family.
On top of that, while the grief (and yes, sadness) is in some form with me always, my feelings of peace and all-consuming joy are back. And it is sweet indeed. Bonnie D. Parkin said, “Mercies and blessings come in different forms–sometimes as hard things. Yet the Lord said, ‘Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things.’ All things means just that: good things, difficult things–not just some things. He has commanded us to be grateful because He knows being grateful will make us happy. This is another evidence of His love.” If I hadn’t gone through the experience with Kendall, I don’t know if I would be able to say (and mean) that I am indeed grateful for these experiences now. I wouldn’t choose them, of course, but there is no question that they are teaching me important truths about myself, my family, and the nature of God. And for that, I am absolutely grateful.
