This part of the journey is not fun, and we’re just barely dipping our toes in. But our family is choosing to focus on the word “gentle” as we interact with each other during this season. We sat down together and talked about how this is hard for all of us (even Mom), and there will be times (often, and sometimes unexpectedly) when we feel grumpy, or sad/emotional, or need comfort and someone there with us, or just need space. We agreed that we would all try to be gentle with one another. (“I need you to be gentle with me right now.” “I can tell that _________________ needs us to be more gentle around them.” “How can we be more gentle with you? What do you need?”) Talking openly about it is helping. Reminding one another about self care, too. (“When did you last eat? Drink water?” “It’s still important for us to be getting sleep.” “Maybe a walk or playing outside would help right now.”)
I also highly, highly recommend the book “Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss,” by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DeKlyen. It’s about dealing with any “great loss,” not just death. It has also helped us in trying to recognize what we’re feeling and what we might need, sometimes giving us the terminology to use.
We’re certainly looking forward to an uplifting weekend of General Conference and Easter, although it’s hard too as we had a lot of family traditions surrounding both of those things. We’re keeping some and changing others. The kids are being good at giving me a “break” from doing many of our (elaborate? definitely time intensive for me) traditions I have done in the past. At least this time. Because even Mom is bruised, and fragile, wrung out, and so very very tired after pushing so hard and so fast for so very long. I recognize that my body and brain will take some time to catch up and process and heal from all the trauma.
Due to the generosity of some dear friends from college (and I think a few of their parents as well), the kids and I are getting away for a few days over spring break next week. It’s been so busy here at the house ever since Kendall passed away, with so many things to take care of and that have needed to get done, so I’m hoping this can be a time for us to just unplug and be with one another without distractions. It will be good, and probably hard and messy too.
So love to you all. Maybe we all need some time to be gentle with ourselves and our families. Or time to look forward with hope, as we focus on the miracle of the Savior’s resurrection. I’ll check back in after we re-enter real life in about a week.
P.S. For those who are not familiar with this, General Conference is a time when we can hear messages from church leaders centered around Jesus Christ. You can learn more about General Conference and how to watch at https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/…/general-conference There will be sessions on Saturday and Sunday this weekend, or you can watch the recordings at any time afterward.