Happy (?) National Widows Day

(This of course includes widowers as well!)

That’s right, we get our own holiday. (Seems a poor consolation, especially since at least so far there hasn’t been any chocolate or flowers involved. I feel cheated!) I mentioned this holiday last year, but figured I’d write a few words today as well.

We all know widows and widowers. (We’re everywhere if you start looking and paying attention!) Likely most of us don’t take much time thinking about or noticing it, especially if someone is older when they lose their spouse. It’s an unfortunate, but somewhat expected, part of life. Though surely being widowed “young” is more of a tragedy, right? I don’t think so. While the challenges may be different when still raising a younger family, I’ve learned that the loss is no less profound no matter if you are 24 or 84 when it happens. Besides, did you know that the average age of a widow in the United States is only 59 years old? It’s amazing how being on this side of things has opened my eyes in ways I never could have imagined. I really was blind before to how all-encompassing and painful this type of loss is, how much it impacts every aspect of a person’s life. As “we in the club” like to say, “You don’t get it until you get it.”

That is not to minimize or be dismissive of other types of pain and loss, which in this mortal life will unavoidably be varied and at times acute. Even so, I couldn’t have even begun to conceptualize what being widowed would be like until I was actually living it. Of course I couldn’t.

I know of one way you could offer support to widows and widowers within your circle of acquaintance. I’ve mentioned several times in this blog attending various LDS Widow/Widower conferences. I do believe that every widow(er) at some point should attend at least one conference (and if you are widowed and not a member of the LDS faith, there are also Camp Widows held throughout the country that I have heard are wonderful). Why? They are designed to help those who have lost a spouse learn how to deal with the grief, with the life changes it entails, and there are classes on many pertinent topics (i.e. general grief, finances, helping children who are grieving, finding joy in life, dating or blending families, dealing with the “widow fog,” creating a support network, all sorts of things). The great thing is that there are many classes each block to choose from, so you only attend the ones that will be helpful for you and your life circumstances. I leave these conferences feeling better equipped to handle the challenges of widowhood, as well as being assured that I am not alone. There’s a sense of bonding and connection that comes from being with other people who “get it,” no explanations needed. I have never been around another group of people who were so immediately welcoming and compassionate. If you are a widow(er), you instantly belong.

The next LDS Widow/Widower Conference in Utah will be held in Cache Valley (Logan) from June 22-24. Please spread the word! It is for widows and widowers only (this is not a single’s conference). There is not a charge for the conference (although you are encouraged to make a donation of $25 to help pay for the meals). You can find more information about the conference and how to register at

Cache Valley Conference – Latter-day Saint Widows & Widowers (ldswidowsandwidowers.com)

You can come for the whole conference, or even just an afternoon. I’d be happy to introduce people, or help find housing, or even carpool up if that was helpful. And if you check out the list of presenters you might just see a familiar face there…hint hint! 🙂

So there you have it. National Widows Day. Are there some widows and/or widowers in your life whom you can show some extra love to today? This week? Going forward? No matter “how far out” they are, we could all use it. Always. (And don’t forget the hugs!)