How’s that for a cheery title for my first post in 2022?
I’m sure every couple has funny habits and back and forth interactions unique to just them, many that would seem really strange or funny to observing outsiders. Kendall and I had an ongoing and (mostly) unspoken underlying competition going on, over…..toothpaste tubes. That’s right. We would eke out every last molecule of toothpaste from the tube so that we wouldn’t be the one to have to throw it away and get out a new one. Silly, right?
Except now I will ALWAYS be the one to finish the tube of toothpaste, and that has felt so very sad. Like I’m losing in some way every time. Which is why over the past nine months the counter in my bathroom has become a sort of toothpaste tube graveyard. I haven’t wanted to admit defeat and be the one to throw them away.
In fact, I haven’t even wanted to BUY new toothpaste, which is why I have used up all of the samples from the dentist we had on hand (and consciously noting each time which ones were “Kendall’s”). Is this sounding a bit irrational? Grief can be like that sometimes. It’s also why Kendall’s toothbrush still sits by mine in the medicine cabinet, or his shampoo, body wash, and razor are still in our shower. It seems like such a final erasing to remove intimate details like that from my life, and I haven’t had the heart to tackle it.
So it feels like a healthy (and unreasonably momentous) step that I am starting this new year with THROWING AWAY THE TOOTHPASTE TUBES. And I did buy new toothpaste for me, which still felt weird because what type of toothpaste would just me want? Same, different? Funny how so many simple things now feel like such weighted decisions.
But here’s to a (minty) fresh start to this new year!
