It’s That Time Again

I usually do this at the beginning of the new year, but being stuck in bed for a week does give a person a lot of time to think over things (and to catch up on continuing education courses she may or may not have procrastinated doing until the end of the year – oops). And with it being December, it was only natural to start ruminating over what I wanted my theme word to be for 2024, as well as evaluating how well my actions matched my chosen word in 2023. I do love me a good year in review pondering session! (As my past journals will attest.)

It’s interesting to note the progression I’ve made over time, and how that was evidenced with what I chose to focus on for each particular year. 2021 was my year of SMELTING, when I was right in the middle of that painfully fiery furnace but still tenaciously choosing to trust that God could make something beautiful of those experiences. Even, perhaps, create an entirely new and better version of myself. Then in 2022 my word was EMBRACE, seeking to push past merely surviving day to day to fully embracing my life and circumstances exactly how they were. To claim happiness and find peace in the here and now. Which I feel that I accomplished! But fast forward to the beginning of 2023, where I was once again deep in the fog of mourning and had been struggling with some depression and feeling detached from life again. I wanted to very deliberately ENGAGE back into life during the next year. Of course, that word is even funnier to reflect on now, as this was the year that I not only worked hard to re-engage back into my life, but also literally became engaged to be married. Something I never imagined would happen. I tried and engaged in activities that were out of my comfort zone, and I met and grew close to people I otherwise would not have. I learned a lot of new things during this year, particularly about myself. No question that once again the year brought completely unforeseen twists and turns and challenges and blessings that I could never have predicted.

So what will 2024 entail? I couldn’t even begin to speculate. (It’s probably best that I don’t know, anyhow. At least now I can briefly live under the illusion that life will, in fact, get “easier” going forward. Or who am I kidding, likely it will do no such thing, ha!) But while there will certainly be plenty of surprises coming in 2024, I’m once again reminding myself that I do get to choose what my attitude will be and where I will put my focus and energy and time. In that vein, this upcoming year is one where I want to RECONNECT. It’s not so much attempting to reclaim the Suzanne I used to be, but there are many parts of myself that I have felt disconnected from for many years. Things and relationships I felt I had to set aside because I only had so much bandwidth in the day to day of trying to keep a family running as a solo parent and amidst ongoing grief and trauma. There are a lot of things I have let slide, become too lax with, and I’m feeling an urgency to reconnect back to some of those core values and goals and standards I once had. Sound lofty? Well good then, because I like to rise to a challenge!

These first few months of our fledgling second marriage have brought healing in some unexpected ways, as well as stark realizations of so many areas where I still have a lot of self work to do. Life has been intense and not without its challenges, but I’m sensing that the time for excuses is coming to an end, no matter how justified those rationalizations may have once felt. It’s time for me to intentionally move forward on becoming, being, the person the Lord intends for me to be, and to reconnect back to being a ready and willing instrument in His hands and with His work. Just the thought of that brings a real sense of peace and overall rightness. And excitement for what adventures are yet to come!