This has been a difficult weekend, probably the hardest for me since the actual day Kendall passed. It has already been pretty emotional, and I’m feeling a bit wrung out even though it is only Saturday evening.
I’ve been told that my family has an excessive amount of traditions, and that might very well be true. Maybe I have gone overboard sometimes and made things more complicated than they needed to be, but really I enjoy having things we can anticipate and that are “our thing” around holidays and events. And it is usually mostly me following through on preparing for and doing those traditions. Everything except Mother’s Day, that is. For the past sixteen years that weekend has centered around Kendall, and what he did for me and with the kids. From working to put in my garden on Saturday, to making all the meals, taking pictures of me with the kids, or a myriad of other traditions and kindnesses from him that left me feeling loved, pampered, and just taken care of. And it’s not the actual traditions, really, but the constant reminders already this weekend of what I’m missing, whom I am missing, that keeps hitting me so very hard.
So forgive me if I don’t stay to speak with you after church tomorrow, or neglect to respond to a text, or if I appear antisocial. This weekend will pass, and I will carry on until the next hard moment. Then I’ll get through that too. And I know that there will continue to be evidences of God’s love and how aware He is of me and my family. Many times that has been clear when a friend shows up, or someone sends me a message, at just the right moment. Or I don’t think it was an accident that our life insurance check arrived in the mail two days ago, the very day before I needed to pay for the new sewer line, as well as a large medical bill that was due. Such a massive relief. There have been some complications with Kendall’s life insurance policy, and just a few days ago I still wasn’t sure if things would actually go through. I admit that I’m sleeping more than a little easier now.
And what is the update on our flooding and sewer disaster? The sewer line is all repaired (or replaced where needed) and my lawn is back in place, albeit my plants looking more than a bit worse for wear. But we’re making progress. We’re still right in the midst of the disaster restoration, but we do now have new drywall installed, and hopefully things will really move along next week. I’m eager to be able to see clients in person again!