I walked in to an emergency situation today. Kendall was bleeding from many places, including internally. There was so much blood. Kendall had blood coming out of his nose and in his mouth, and he aspirated some into his lungs. With his confusion and panic, they had to immediately intubate him (after sedating and paralyzing him) to protect his airway. It was heartbreaking to see how frightened he was before the sedation took effect. And so discouraging to feel like we were set back several weeks in mere minutes.
When I arrived I was told to gown up and step to the side until they got him more stable and cleaned up. It took a while – I even left for a bit to just walk the halls and reground myself. Kendall needed several units of blood, platelets, and plasma. They are also still trying to stabilize his blood pressure, which keeps dipping dangerously low despite not being currently connected to the continuous dialysis. Kendall’s oxygen levels also keep dropping suddenly, even on the ventilator, and they are not sure why.
Kendall had several X-rays done, and when I left they had just ordered a CT scan for tonight. He needed to get all of his blood products first, and then they were giving him the contrast for the CT extremely slowly so that his liver would hopefully be able to tolerate it. They should have the results by tomorrow, and maybe some more answers about what is happening in his abdominal cavity that could be causing some of his bleeding. Kendall will also probably be getting an MRI tomorrow. So I too hope to know more about his condition tomorrow.
This past week I, like many of you, have been pondering the life of Emma Smith. Did she feel the same terror I felt today walking in to that hospital room, when she saw her husband Joseph had been tarred and feathered? And then to go from that experience to losing one of her children is unimaginable. I know Emma found comfort in the hymns, as do I. And I know that time after time she was faced with situations she didn’t want to face, but she stepped up and did what had to be done. Carrying Joseph’s precious manuscripts under her skirts as she walked, with small children, across a precarious frozen river. Acting as Joseph’s scribe, while still needing to manage the day to day chores of her household. Moving, time after time, not having many moments of privacy or precious quiet family time. Visiting Joseph at Liberty Jail, not knowing if he would ever come home to her and her family again. Carrying on and keeping her household running every time Joseph was called away. Helping to organize and found what has become the largest international women’s organization in the world, the Relief Society, and doing so amidst her numerous other responsibilities. And on and on. What an exceptional woman.
I’ve really derived strength this week, and today especially, from Emma’s example. And others from the scriptures and Church history. While I know they did remarkable things, I especially like to think about their humanness. About what the day to day must have looked like, the things needed in just living, or the feelings they might have experienced in their different situations. So many who have gone before have chosen to exercise faith, and to trust in a greater plan. And I feel a kinship in that.
