Still Being Smelted

This is Christine, Suzanne’s sister. Kendall took a critical turn for the worse last night. It doesn’t look like he will make it this time. The family would appreciate your prayers during this difficult time.

Kendall had a paracentesis done on Friday, where they drained SIX LITERS of fluid from his abdomen (which wasn't even all of it, but all they felt they could safely remove). This is a picture of the fluid they were draining. It should be the color of dark yellow urine, but Kendall's was mixed with blood from his internal bleeding. So add one more new fluid you…

Yesterday marked Kendall's Day +50 since transplant. I wanted to note it because the first 100 days post-transplant are considered the most critical, and the time period when any serious or life-threatening complications after a bone marrow transplant tend to manifest. Despite his many other serious health issues right now, Kendall still has not shown any signs of rejection or graft vs. host disease That's pretty miraculous.…

Why is it usually so uncomfortable to talk about financial matters? I don't think it should be - it's just money. And yet so much worry and concern and anxiety is often focused around it. Funny enough, as I've been dealing with astronomical bills, money no longer holds the same meaning for me that it once did. It has almost started to seem like I must be…

Sorry to fake you out with that picture there. No, that was not taken today. It was nice to remind myself that this is where Kendall was just a few days ago, and where I believe he can get to again. It was certainly a less eventful day today. Kendall has not woken up all day, and was unresponsive to any talking or hand squeezing, etc. While…

I walked in to an emergency situation today. Kendall was bleeding from many places, including internally. There was so much blood. Kendall had blood coming out of his nose and in his mouth, and he aspirated some into his lungs. With his confusion and panic, they had to immediately intubate him (after sedating and paralyzing him) to protect his airway. It was heartbreaking to see how frightened…

I haven't posted any pictures of Kendall in a long time, and for good reason. I do have Kendall's permission to post this one, though. Because yes, Kendall is now awake and interactive enough to GIVE me permission. I cannot fully express how good it has been to hear his voice again, and that it's getting stronger every day. When this picture was taken Kendall had fallen…

Over the past several months I have mentioned various family members like my dad, the kids, my mother-in-law, or my sister. I have not, however, written about my mom. That has been a conscious choice, a sort of self-preservation if you will. You might find it funny that I'm able to write all of these things about Kendall's situation, or deep struggles I have had, but even…

There's no denying that this past week has been incredibly intense. I won't pretend to understand what it would actually feel like to say a final good-bye to Kendall in this mortal life, but I imagine it will be the most difficult and gut-wrenching thing I have ever experienced. I can say, though, that there is a confidence in knowing that I came right up to that…

Today was nothing short of miraculous. I know there were a lot of people praying for, fasting, and thinking about us today. Thank you. Kendall was the most awake, alert, and responsive today that I have seen for more than three weeks. He was able to sit up in a chair for the kids' visits (they came in one at a time), and he waved at them,…