Still Being Smelted

Many people may not know this, but I actually minored in clarinet when I was at Brigham Young University. Band was also a huge part of my high school experience. Who knows how many auditions, lessons, rehearsals, competitions, or performances I may have participated in over the years, and in college I usually practiced my clarinet for at least an hour a day. (So many hours spent…

A friend of mine wrote a thought-provoking post on Facebook about the concept of healing, and what that has looked like in her life since losing her husband. It really made me stop and ask myself, "Do I believe that complete healing is possible? Do I think I am healed? How does that fit with the idea that grief is something I will always carry with me…

Are you familiar with the concept of earthing? I won't get into the nitty-gritty scientific details, but the general basis behind it is that the earth has a slight negative charge, and over time our bodies will build up a positive charge. Being in soil and connected to the earth (literally) can help restore our body back to its desired neutral state. Earthing, also called grounding, has…

What a week this has been! I am not over-exaggerating when I say that the past week was the most stressful one I've had all year work-wise. It's found me going non-stop all day and then staying up until 12:30 in the morning trying to get 45 end of year progress reports done, working on getting my summer therapy schedule set up, billing issues, doing more than…

A close friend recently observed that I've seemed a bit distant and disconnected lately. It's true. The stress has been getting to me, and I've felt my brain shutting down a bit. I've been making more "widow brain" cognitive errors, had a harder time paying attention or remembering or following through on things, have been procrastinating in ways that really aren't like me. Oh, it hasn't been…

(This of course includes widowers as well!) That's right, we get our own holiday. (Seems a poor consolation, especially since at least so far there hasn't been any chocolate or flowers involved. I feel cheated!) I mentioned this holiday last year, but figured I'd write a few words today as well. We all know widows and widowers. (We're everywhere if you start looking and paying attention!) Likely…

You'll notice that I did say grateful in all circumstances, not necessarily grateful for all circumstances. That's an important distinction to make. It would be disingenuous of me to say that I was grateful for my husband dying so young, for Mom's death, was grateful for my child's serious medical conditions, or my own physical limitations. No one would believe that, including myself. (I mean, there does…

It didn't take Kenny dying for me to realize that we were a good team, and I never once doubted that he loved me and our family. Even so, I do have a greater appreciation now for how very involved and supportive Kenny was at home for me and our family, just how much he did for us/me. I feel it every day what a poor substitute…

It's been a minute. In reality only two weeks since my last post, but for some reason it feels like it's been much longer. Going through periods of intense emotions or experiences can do that. I did actually start three separate blog posts during those two weeks, but none of them went anywhere. I've been writing, yes, but mostly frivolous stuff and it hasn't felt like I've…

I mentioned this in passing to a friend last night and, judging by her reaction, I'm realizing that it may not be such a normal thing that I get something in the mail nearly every day related to medical bills? Granted, not every single one is a bill needing to be paid, may be an Explanation of Benefits notice or some such, but it is rare now…