And yet here we are! The good news is that I really didn’t feel the same sort of hospital PTSD today. Or even better, A did not end up needing to have the emergency surgery that was looking inevitable there for a while. We are also finally home after *only* nine hours at the hospital. (So really, no complaints – this time wasn’t a 15 hour ER trip with no food or water or a deadly pandemic that meant we had to stay in a sealed isolation room with my neutropenic spouse where I couldn’t even leave to go to the bathroom if I wanted to be allowed to stay with said spouse and needing to sit on a tiny stool with no back and being so exhausted I kept almost toppling off and waiting for hours with no answers while my spouse was in excruciating pain….well, I won’t keep going; let’s just say today was not my worst ER trip, not by far!) While we are extremely tired and more sore, and perhaps a bit wiser, A and I are otherwise not too worse for the wear. Even if this wasn’t exactly how either of us was expecting our day to go.
Ever have a day when you wake up with your surgical site covered in blood and having a new sharp pain in your abdomen, and you have some other alarming symptoms that all prompts an immediate discussion with a nurse which leads to them fitting you right in to see the doctor, and then being sent to another hospital for imaging, and watching the alarmed look of the technician when she saw the images and being taken to a conference room to meet with the radiologist, and then being told to go straight to the ER (at yet a different hospital, mind you), and once there having a condition that is so unusual that they bring in med students and paramedics and paramedics-in-training and numerous doctors and nurses to come see (and feel) it? No, that’s only us? Huh. I tell you, we Sawyers just can’t seem to do anything the run-of-the-mill “typical” way. I could write a book about it all (oh, wait…).
It was surprising that today wasn’t triggering for me. I slipped into my “handle the next thing and just do what needs to be done” mode. Despite the pain A was in good spirits and a real trooper with the incredibly long and exhausting day (before today she had only been out of bed for very short walks, to the bathroom and such). We had a bit going back and forth that was ridiculous and would have sounded even sillier to anyone listening in (ask her about “lasagna,” haha!), and it became a game to see just how many new warm blankets she could convince the nursing staff to bring her. Check out this impressive stack!
Still, I do have mixed feelings about how we seem to have become a yardstick for some people of how life could always be worse! I’m not sure how often I’ve heard people tell me things like, “I mean, compared to everything going on in your life, my life seems pretty good by comparison!” You know what, though? We’ve got a great life. And I am so happy to be living it.
In fact, I have started making a happy book, which I have in my purse for easy access to add new things whenever something strikes me. It’s so fun! And yes, makes me so happy to read through it. I kept a happy book when I was in college (wish I still had it!), and it’s different than a gratitude journal. In my gratitude journal I try to be really specific about things from my day for which I am grateful. Many of them the tender mercies or evidences of God’s hand in my life, of His love for me. I recently went back and read through an old gratitude journal, and noticed that the majority of things I had written involved interactions with other people. So interesting to note that those are usually the things that stand out the most to me and make me feel the most loved.
In contrast, my happy book contains things that, well, simply make me happy. Things that always give me a thrill when I notice or experience them. There are so many, really. And they can be random! Discovering a “good” pen, gazebos, moonrises, my all time favorite pair of sunglasses (they are cute), music that makes me want to dance, creme brulee, singing hymns full voice with a large group of people (think full Marriott Center, General Conference, or even stake conference), Christmas lights, cool clocks, a good book with a satisfying ending, being surrounded by trees and GREEN…you get the idea. I like feeling happy and smiling throughout my day. The other emotions are important, too, part of this human experience, but I do ultimately keep coming back to that joy and gratitude. Life is so great, innit?
(And know what else makes me happy? When people leave me COMMENTS ON THIS BLOG SITE! Hint, hint…)
You are an inspiration. I know you are truly being sustained by prayers and faith, because there is no way you could go through these challenges with such a positive attitude without that. Sending love and prayers ❤️❤️❤️.
I sure love you, Annette. You have served our family in some very personal and meaningful ways. And you always seem to be smiling or reaching out to other people when I see you! You and Gary are such a light to our neighborhood.
I think you just have to *try* and have humor through the hard times. Otherwise, they are just hard! When I had my appendix out and it leaked and I was in the hospital for 5 days my mom and I would get so silly. She would make me laugh and it hurt! I kept telling her I was going to have the nurses kick her out! 🤣 I don’t really remember how much it hurt, but I do remember how much I laughed!
Hopefully the rest of your week is mundane and boring! Get feeling better soon A! 💙
I can totally see you doing that! A kept telling me how much it hurt to laugh, but then kept cracking jokes! (Not to mention that my FB friends share some awfully funny memes that of course I had to share.) We trust we’re on the road to recovery. And I could settle for a bit of mundane and boring!
We can totally relate to this post, and your favorite things :). No wonder we seem to get along so well even though we’ve only overlapped a hand full of days in the summers :). Hoping for a bit of boring run of the mill for your family and that the drs can help figure everything out soon!
I wish you lived closer so we could hang out more! (Or at all?) I really like and admire you. Seriously, let me know the next time you’re in Utah and we definitely need to do lunch!
What a miracle you were able to handle such a hard day. I’m glad you both at hone again. A true inspiration to find the good and positive through challenging time. Love you and your family looking forward to seeing you soon!
I’m so excited to see you NEXT WEEK! 😁😁😁
You continue to inspire me. The strength and resilience you have to take on all these many challenges head on is an incredible example to us all. We are praying for you all.
Thank you so much for those prayers, Cheryl. I’m not sure how we would have gotten through these past few years without the support of so many wonderful people like you.
The thing that popped into my head when reading your post:
(To the medical students and personnel oohing and prodding): “What. Am I here for your amusement? No, you are here for mine. *snaps fingers* Bring me another blanket!”
That’s quite a mountain of blankets! (A ton of warm blankets would make me happy).
Definitely a freaky way for both of you to start your day but glad it didn’t involve emergency surgery.
This made me laugh, Amy. Especially because I can totally see A doing something like this and finding it hilarious! 😆
I love to see she is still smiling and didn’t have to do an emergency. Thanks for teaching me to see the good in life even if there is some bad. Sending prayers and strong mom energy.
I’ll take those prayers and the mom energy! You guys have had your own fair share of kid medical things, so I know you get it!
I’m so grateful you continue to share your journey. Thank you for sharing your insight and pattern for living. I’d buy your book!
I’m sure enjoying reading your missionary’s own “insight and pattern for living.” You’ve got one special kid there. And I’m so glad I know you, Marcie!
Oh I’ve been thinking of you both since Friday. And wow! You both are so strong and brave. I hope everything goes smoother from here on out. And despite the pain and complications she looks so happy and beautiful.
She’s an amazing kid. After all of of the difficult things she has gone through, and how strong and kind and caring they have made her, I’m excited to see what her future holds! (And I LOVE getting to see her face and smile without that NJ tube!)
I am so glad you two came through such a tough day with such aplomb! You are both amazing. I love your Happy Book idea!
Thank you, Annemarie!
Know what made me happy? This blog post. Also, talking to you and A in the ER room. Also, your awesome attitude.
You definitely make my happy book, Liz! 🙂