Oh Good Grief!

I love these shoes, guys. Not only are they super cute, but they’re comfortable (a rarity with heels!), great for dancing, and they match most anything. And…..I may never be able to wear them in public again. At least not with a straight face.

I attended a single adult fireside yesterday with some widow/widower friends. We were a fairly large group, so in order to all sit together we had to be back on the folding chairs going into the cultural hall. If you have ever been inside an LDS church building then you can surely picture it, that overly glossed wooden floor just right for playing basketball or holding a dance on, but that is not, apparently, conducive to trying to have a reverent atmosphere for something like a fireside or church service. At least not if this girl is involved.

Let me tell you, adult only meetings at church are quiet. No restless children making disturbances or needing to be rushed out. This meeting was no exception, as everyone appeared to be listening attentively to the speaker as was appropriate. I confess that my mind had started to drift a bit thinking about some scheduling things for my kids I needed to take care of, and I distractedly readjusted my position (those folding chairs are not the most comfortable) using the heel of my shoe to push myself up in my chair. In doing so, however, the rubber on the bottom of my heel scraped across the floor and let out a noise that sounded exactly like a very loud fart. Eyes turned in my direction and the startled person sitting right next to me began laughing. My face turned red and I frantically mouthed, “It was my shoe, it was my shoe!” In gesturing down to my foot (as more and more faces turned my way) I tried to pantomime what had happened when, oh yes, my foot once again slipped, came down hard and as it slid along the floor let out an even louder, longer, perfect imitation of someone who clearly has a very big flatulence problem.

It was so bad, guys. And so so funny. At that point my row just lost it. People all around were turning and pointing, I was getting annoyed glares from some fireside participants, and a few of us were laughing so hard that tears were streaming down our faces. To make it worse, I had a meeting to get to right after the fireside so it looked like I must be rushing off because I was either too mortified to face up to things or I must actually be having some sort of alarming medical issue there. I may never live this one down. (Yes, the gifs have already started. Good grief.)

As I was heading home trying to get to my meeting, I got stuck first behind a train and then some emergency vehicles as that clock kept ticking and I was getting later and later. I do not like to be late, especially when I have committed to being somewhere and other people are counting on me. I was finally driving down the highway at a good clip when suddenly I felt some sort of impact followed by a horrible sound coming from the back right part of my car. I couldn’t tell if I had somehow blown a tire or what had happened, but I knew something was very wrong. Hoping and praying my car would make it okay, I got off at the next exit and pulled into the empty parking lot of an office complex. Kind of scary to be there a woman alone as it was getting dark.

Jumping out I discovered a strange thick metal wire sticking out from under my car that had been dragging on the ground, and I think it may have been sparking some as it scraped against the road. What in the world? I halfway crawled under my car (yes, still in my dress – my night just kept getting better!) to try and figure out what was going on. I know very little about cars (Kenny handled everything car-related, and I still have a kind of mental or emotional block/aversion to dealing with anything vehicular), so I couldn’t tell if this was something that should have been there, or if something important was broken. The wire frame appeared to be connected to my car (a good tug didn’t dislodge it), but I couldn’t readily see how it might fit back under.

Thankfully I was able to reach a friend who knows a lot more about cars than I do, and as I was explaining the problem and snapping pictures another car pulled up next to me and asked if I needed help (I definitely kept the other person on the line for security/safety). We determined that it was some sort of debris from the highway that had somehow gotten lodged in the undercarriage of my car, and after a bit of maneuvering were able to get it out. I was so relieved to be safely (and quietly!) on my way, and while I was about 30 minutes late to my meeting I was able to participate for at least part of it.

So all’s well that ends well. I’m grateful for people who step in to help when needed. I’m grateful that I can laugh at that horrible shoe episode (oh man!), and for friends old and new with whom I can share that laughter. Consider yourself warned though if you ever attend any sort of reverent activity with me. No guarantee I won’t wear those shoes. I mean, they are awfully cute. And now entertaining!