My Choice

I am frequently asked the question, “How are you doing?” I don’t really mind, despite how complicated it can feel now to answer that. I understand the kind intent behind the query and I do want to stay caught up with and connected to others. It’s often difficult for me to formulate an answer, though. First off, I don’t know (or want to seem to presume) if a person has read my blog at all, so what do they already know? I blog frequently enough that my posts provide a general update of how I and my family are doing. Or if I’m trying to be more specific to how I am in that exact moment, how much do they really want to know? Is the question more of an obligatory social nicety, expecting the standard glib answer of “I’m good” before moving on to other things? Or is someone genuinely wanting to know? It can be hard to differentiate. (I know I’m not alone with this.)

There is also the deceivingly similar question of, “How are you doing it?” Meaning doing it “all,” implying or expressly stating that they could never do what I’m doing. (Which is what, exactly? Simply living life as it comes, day by day, like we all are?) That seems to me like such a strange thing to say. Sure, when we look on someone else’s challenges it can naturally make us feel relieved they aren’t ours, or have an anxious inner reaction of “I don’t know how I would be able to handle __________.” I would have felt the same way if you had asked me a few years ago how I would be able to deal with some of the circumstances I and my family have encountered since then. Of course I couldn’t imagine it. I wasn’t living it. And there are plenty of trials I am grateful are not mine right now to endure, er, make that learn from.

That’s the thing, though. When issues come up, we do deal with them. Maybe not in the way we wish in hindsight we had, but every single one of us here has a 100% track record of surviving through the hard times. Nakeia Homer has a quote that says, “Behind every strong woman is a story that gave her no other choice.”

That’s an interesting thought. We do have a choice though, don’t we. We choose the attitude we will adopt. We choose if we will ask for or accept help. We choose the narrative we create, what we will repeat both internally and to others. We choose if trials will draw us closer to or further away from God. We choose the grace we will allow ourselves when we struggle and are set back and even fail. We always get to choose what we do next.

We’re meant to experience the hard, to feel pain and anguish, to be stretched beyond not only where we are but what we are. Sure I have those times of exhaustion, of overwhelm, of not being able to see what the next steps should be, but I feel lucky to have had the experiences and opportunities I have. Downright spoiled even. I know there won’t be anything in my future that I cannot handle, because I have never been asked to handle anything on my own.

(And want to make this girl really happy? Just let me borrow your baby please!)