The Worst Club with the Best People

I just got back from attending an LDS Widow/Widower Conference in St. George. It’s difficult to express how important that community has become for me. I still do not have a lot of single friends (at least compared to the number of married friends I have), although I have started attending some single adult activities. But at least thus far the place I feel the most comfortable is being with other widows and widowers. There’s instant acceptance and it’s such a relief to be with people who, well, just get it. We like to say that widowhood is the worst club to belong to but the one that has the very best people. (Or the best club you never wanted to belong to and has the highest/worst admission price.)

It felt empowering pushing myself out of my comfort zone during the conference. (And more than simply trying sushi for the first time – how did I go 42 years without ever having eaten it?) There are so many things that used to intimidate me or I was too self conscious about to attempt before, that I am now trying and embracing. Such a liberating and self-satisfying feeling.

My first W/W Conference was last May in Salt Lake City. I had no idea what to expect, and I was mostly looking forward to attending the classes (mini Education Week?). It was hard not knowing anyone beforehand, not to mention feeling triggering being so close to Huntsman Cancer Center. I did meet some people, though, and was glad I went, but I’ll confess that I was pretty emotionally drained after that conference. I didn’t feel completely like myself when I was there.

Then in October I attended my second W/W Conference in Cache Valley. Such a difference! I was proud that I participated in various activities that were initially out of my comfort zone, and this time I had the bandwidth to be able to reach out to others who may have been struggling, to connect with people and make new friends. I came home from that weekend feeling so energized.

The St. George conference was amazing (I knew it would be), and once again I came home feeling energized and altogether rejuvenated. Wow, do I get charged by being around a lot of people! (I’m funny to watch at dances – I get more and more amped up as the evening goes on, and when it ends I feel like I could keep going for hours.) I also come away with new knowledge and tips and tools, several of which I have already begun to implement. Things didn’t feel as emotionally heavy for me, and I loved meeting and getting to know so many new people. I feel a real bond with the other 15 women with whom I shared a house (I can always use more adopted moms and grandmas in my life). And I was surprised at how many people there were whom I already knew. I was with my people.

It’s not always bliss and feeling constantly surrounded by scores of friends, of course. Widowhood is incredibly lonely, and in ways and to depths that I couldn’t have begun to understand before. But I know that I’m very blessed to have the people and friends in my life that I do. As I’ve been discovering new levels of confidence and continue to have experiences and meet people I would not have otherwise, I have come to appreciate the fact that I am able to make friends fairly easily. I’ve alluded to this several times in previous posts, but as much as I enjoyed and appreciated people before, I truly like and love them to such a greater level now. It’s like I get these little glimpses at times of how much our Heavenly Father loves each of His children, and the way He sees them. What a precious gift.